Dear blogger, welcome february...
exactly it's already 2nd of February, and i'm still childish, gloomy in my life and an imaginary audience person, like everything bad happened around me and life, i would said it as my fault, and always think that people rejected me or didn't like me, because of what always i did is wrong..
even from people that i loved, sometimes when i thought about it, i realized that maybe am too over react and too much thinking about my gloomy life..
You know what's the good side for being rejected all the time in your life, my parents always think that i can't do anything, my parents think that i'm still a child, and you wanna know about my friends comment when they saw me, i mean like people, a lot of people? they never think that am pretty, i don't wanna they called me pretty every time, i just wanna be accepted, like they told me 'How lovable i'am, or how sweet you are, i wanna be you, or maybe you are amazing, cute and beautiful" but what i got in my life and environment when they saw me and think about me "She? oh my god, ugly.." or maybe just like an insinuation smooth "you are pretty just like hell" and yeah, every time they saw beautiful girl like she totally princess, they compare those girl with me..
do you know sometimes its just came up with my mind, what's it feel being pretty and called beautiful every time, what it feels being wanted everyday by boys, and what it feel when everybody see you, their eyes following you where were you going, its just nice you know..
even someone that i loved put some picture of pretty girls and tell that she's gonna be my wife, wow, even he never put some pict about me, so when i got mad, i deleted all my photos just in case i thought she's more important than me, and you guys now what, i never put my real photos in bbm because of whats the important things, i never be respected by everyone else, including my family, this things made me wanna cry..
you know i'd rather be in the corner and just being alone, and sometimes i think its better than when you are in the crowded, but they never hear your cry, its not my fault for being like this, i didn't hate god, because all i have its just God and writing stuff when i got get alone..
Do you think i never tired, tired of every thing, just really tired cause this never ending, whats my ending? whats the end of my story, i hope it will be good..
God, i know you are writing my story and you do good for me, maybe i'm the one who never thankful about my life, but God would you help me to write a lot of happiness in my life, so i can feel it, even its just for one day, make it really special,
But you know God, thank you for everything you do in my life, from the past until now, thank you for being there, when i'm crying, when i go down, when i'm destroy and when i give up, thank you very much God, i just love you, because you wanna standing there for me, when no one else could, and i'm sorry because always complaining about my life, and bla bla bla, maybe you are tired for hearing me always complaining about this, but do you mind even just for one day, people realize how precious i'm? people now that how strong i'm, how kind i'm, how beautiful i'm as my self? would you do that God?
if you can't, that's fine, because maybe its already my way to do the stuff...
i guess this is enough, thank you for reading this and patient to look at my complaining..
Love : Me
