Well, this is the first night of 2013 and i don't do anything except "Still" being melancholic, like still thinking about what have been done in my self,
Like EVERYTHING under control... Hmmmm, am not sure about it.. but here i am in the middle of the night like i used to, blogging, watching movies, being weird in my room, and yep turning of the lamp and -repeat- all above it.. and i never get bored with that, creepy huh?!
I always get this feeling, when i want to sleep, thinking about it, or when i am alone, ( already alone ) regret about everything, my mistake or anything, i tried to figure it out, well usually i end it up with tears coming out from my big eyes.. I know i know.. am being melancholic for 8 months or 9 months i don't even remember it anymore, but trust me i just wanna disappear like i don't wanna see anybody, i wanna chillax, i don't wanna get a headache or every time i saw those people and get hurt all the time, it feels like am gonna die, someone stab me and i couldn't even breath anymore..
They said it is already a new year, open a new book, write a new story, but i guess my resolution is continuing the 2012 resolution, am being lazy about everything, maybe am just tired of everything.. or maybe am just afraid of something...
I guess after the china things, i can control my feelings in here, i always said to my self that "everythings under control" but actually when i was here... Am not ok -still- not okay with everything, some part of me change, but i dont know what was that, i dont have any idea of that part, and i dont know why but i feel someone still missing in my life, what a shame!! i thought that everything could be okay, but i was wrong.. then again i felt like i was in the deep ocean waiting for someone to rescue me, but its Useless no one can save you, even yourself ! i have lost my self but i dont know where it is, really? i just feel so alone like really alone, and yep this is my melancholic side, i just dont know my self anymore, have you ever felt about that?
Losing your identity, am so into in psychogy things, i dont know, but its so exhausting, when it will be over? when i get my happy ending? or my story? am fighting with my self right now.. my emotion, my id pleasure is fighting, i can't thinking right now, all i can dois compalining about my life but trust me when am normal i wouldn't do that...
Arghh! am so over it...