Its giving up..
Maybe because i was too tired, i can't live or walk on in any drama, even on my own...
i was too tired pretending that i'm okay, fighting for someone who doesn't even know that i exist anymore, i used to exist for him, once but then i become a dead person, or stranger for that person. And now we live in one roof, different floor, seeing each other, but both of us are strangers, and i give up, i try to undergo everything, but i was failed, its exhausting.
I try to fight for him, try to convince him that i love him so much, but he doesn't seem care, or noticing this girl, so i give up and choose not to believe in love anymore, i know that sometimes when i was in my dramatic session, then i cry in my room, try to think about everything, over thinking about my life, until i can't sleep, until i cry for many hours, not saying that it is wasting my tears, its not, its just an expression of mine, i let it out, i feel insecure, i messed up, i feel so lonely, so alone, even when i'm with my friends, laugh together, but when i'm back to my room, and try to sleep, then here they are, dancing in my thought easily, till i cry cry and cry for few hours, and it is possible if i try to awake, and try to be with my friends all night long, all day long, isn't it bothering for them? not because they're not gonna be there, they will be there for me, but they are need their own space, so i choose to be alone, locking my self in my room, listening to some stupid love song, or sad song, then i start to cry again, and "missing him is the hardest thing to do or forget"
I just got some relationship and love advice, it said that
"learning to love the person you found, love isn't about finding the right person"
You will do the same thing, if you're not try to love that person, her/him. you'll be bored, because boredom often come to your love life, if you're not try to love the person, their lack or their excess, so if you found someone that you had crush on him/her, then from that day just learn to love them, not because you're thinking about finding the right person or not,
If life have rules, then your love life too
But now, i don't know if i have to -still fight for you or not-
"God determines who walks into your life, but it is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let to stay , or who you refuse to let go"
"Maybe i still love you, maybe not, but one thing i know about your existence in my life, maybe now i need to let you go, because there's no reason for me to stay, cause you're not care about me anymore, you're even realize that i exist in your life, (was exist) in your life. But if i have second chance i still choose you, and wanna fight for you again"
"Love you still"
Zara