Sometimes when you caught yourself lying down on your bed in the middle of the night
You must be think about what is exactly happening right now, or maybe you think about what kind of situation that you're into.
And you found yourself got hurt badly by missing someone but you can't do anything about it except, let your tears coming out and screaming in silence on your bed every single night.
As we drive in this road
called life, occasionally a girl will find herself a little lost. And
when that happens i guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda,
woulda, buckle up and keep going.
While i'm struggling with my "trying to figure everything out, what exactly i'm gonna do with my relationship" on my bed in this morning with my puffy eyes also not have a good sleep yet.
And i bet this is gonna be my another "prolonged sadness" moment,
Also i'm gonna live my 365 days with "barely even do socialize thingie like a normal person".
Even you knew you did terrible things by lying, lying without thinking the risk.
That was exactly the worst feeling ever than losing a pair of Manolo's.
Another person is trying to forget me, by hanging out with his friends, having a lot of fun.
Typical
"boys stuff" he'll do when he found someone he loved was hurting him,
while his level of lovey-dovey thingie on me is on a highest level.
At
least that was he said and thought about me! I'm not even sure if he still think about me for a tiny bit percent of his feelings or maybe not. That's not the point
After this "Got hit by a truck moment" which resulted "not clear" to our relationship. He decided to throw me away and live like a stranger for each other.
I spend my days crying, and trying to be cool but in fact its not working so i keep complaining about this and that to one of my best friend. Only God knows how boring this stuff for her.
Yesterday i choose to took a photograph of me using this "Fabulous and famous cape blazer"
so i went to the "crime scene" which is the fatal thing to do (According to his version)
And of course death is like really happy come to see me. I did not do that on purpose, i thought i didn't so something wrong, so why should i be afraid?
The only thing that afraid me is "He left me" that's it.
He knocked on my door suddenly, which is i thouhght its gonna be a fun night, like literally he's change but unfortunately he only came for bringing back my old stuff that i gave to him like 4 years ago. Its confusing.
I ran of course after he left, then he talked to me madly, pouring out his anger using his non sense words, while he was drinking with his friends. Saying this and that "with a lot of bad words coming out from his mind and mouth"
I took a zip
We both stand there, hopeless. Well, its me! hopeless.
I
heard his yelling at me, mad at me, saying bad things and totally
pointing it out to me. And i just stand there, next to him, in silence i
scream in my heart saying
"You
didn't know the truth even when i already told you a lie, but you
didn't think skeptically and you just choose to hold your self-esteem
as a man"
In front of his friends, they knew i looked like shit.
And the worst thing ever, he shoos me away, he didn't even wanna hear about my excuses, my real excuses, he didn't even want me to touch him like i used to, or otherwise.
So there i am feeling hopeless, after what should i called
"officially broke up", "Still figure it out", or
"I'm so disappointed at you right now, i may be back with you, but its not the same"
That's why there is so many questions about "Man and their Selfishness"
On my way to my peace lair, i was cried.
Anxious
I can't even sleep, and now i didn't even move from my bed, not in the mood to do anything, not even showering.
Even when i didn't do
something stupid. its just a bad decision that i made without think
about the risk. Yes! I did screwed up but that was exactly not as bad as
it looks.
It supposed to be he wouldn't gave me this unexpected reaction for my action.
The odds of bumping into the one who broke your heart are incredibly high, the odds of bumping into him when you look like shit are even higher.
Its a battle between what we know and what we feel in love.
Loves
- A
