Something That I Can't Even Explain

Rainy weather in the end of June

Wednesday night when i was in the car, and savouring the drizzling rain
looking through my window pane, when i can see clearly the raindrops

Here comes the thought about me being free.
About me being free from my burdens or tears.

Earlier today when i was lying down on my bed, 
and decided to see something which has become a habit
I was in shocked, not a massive one, but still in a shocked. 
Need a moment to analyse and finally end up with a final conclusion

That your "smile" mean something.

Something that happened only when you're with me.
That smile you showed me only when you said that you are totally in love with me.
Smile that leads your deepest feeling to me.

Once again i looked in that picture, and i hate when my instinct goes right!
That looked in your eyes and smile on your face that day totally mean something

Sometimes i forgot that you're not with me literally 
I was mesmerised by those brown eyes that looked so intently into her own, spellbound by your glare
and too fascinated by your unpredictable behaviour that leads me into a quandary.

Lead me into Happiness also Despair 

In between this drizzling rain, cold weather and quiet atmosphere in the car

Even when my cousin talked to me.

I still have those thought about " How happy you are " & " You looked fine ". 

And once again i tried to make sure, that maybe, just maybe i had the wrong vision about your smile,

But my perception told me once again, that i'm wrong, totally wrong. 

Sincerely in love. 

What's hurt the most?

I can't even explain what exactly my reaction to this, or how i feel about this.

All i know is i'm struggling, suffering.

But one thing that confused me sometimes was 

You're the only one who can make me happy after you made me cry. 

Tell me, please tell me.

What do you want, what should i do?

Cause it's hurting me.

Those are thought that made me down on my knees every single night,

and those are the same reason that made my tears falling down.

Hope

Strength

 Sincerity

& 

Honesty

That makes me feel alive, every time i spent my night with tears.

Hoping that maybe someday, you finally realize that 

No one gonna loves you like i do, besides your mom. 

Good Night

Love

A