It was about Social Intercourse part of Transaction Analysis and its related with clinical psychology things, so interested with that, and i wanna be a clinician expert, someday (amen)...
Time moving so fast, feel yesterday i was in 2010 and now it is 2013, which is one year (if-God-say-so) later i will graduate from undergraduate of Psychology program, and got the tittle S.Psi. so fast isn't it? and now i'm being such a dramatic person, like don't wanna graduate and miss the first time i came in here, and suddenly i wanna enjoy my time and wanna turn back the time with a little magical spell, or with a "Hermione-necklace" (you'll know if you're a fan of Harry Potter-or-Ever watched Prisoner of Azkaban)
Well actually, its not the topic, main topic is about Social intercourse of mine, the advantages of learning psychology, you'll know about your own lack, you can learn so many things about human races, the mind, the body, the personality, the disorder, the human soul, the human disadvantage from being them self, plus you'll now about your own dream, i mean like what exactly your dreams meaning, your memories, of course its a basic theory from Sigmund Freud (cause i'm interested in psychoanalysis) and your desire of unconsciousness, its all real, but some still become mystery, i'm so curious about that..
I just learned actually my psychological needs is a stroking from you, i mean him. i felt like something's missing, and i always looking for that stuff, looking for what was missing in my life, and i just realize that when i miss him, that's mean i miss got a stroking from him, its because he's the one who has a physical intimacy with me, intermezzo* its just not such an intimacy things, not about touching, well it can be hug, or a conversation.
Stroking means presence of a person, could be anybody, it depends on your cases, when you are feeling lonely, even you have friends or family, the feeling is still different, that's mean you need stroking from someone. so in my case i need a stroking from him. because of that, he's the one who had a long relationship with me, since the day i met him, mine most like a "Needed to be with him, like i need him to be here with me" a.k.a i miss him (it was the complicated statement) hahaha!
Yesterday i got a cough, but my sputum in my cough full with blood, and when i got -suddenly-panic-attack- when i try to find someone at that time, i realize that officially this feeling suddenly popped pout, feeling that there's something missing in my life, and it was him, and i need a presence of that person, I don't know, sounds crazy but its just what am feeling, i should let it out..
Imagine that when you're sick, got an ill, then you are surrounded by people who are dating, you remember when your ex was sick, and you were there helping him, and feel his panicked feeling, you try to calm him down, but now you did all those thing alone, you just feel nothing except better that you have this illness and die *intermezzo* (being dramatic suddenly). i felt that last night, until i cried for couple hours or few hours then fall asleep. So thats it a "Needed of someone's stroking-like so much-like a lot"
And wondering how you catch me with your eyes, your shark eyes, beautiful smile, your whole body, your good smell, and i was like lost in my own thoughts (again) i watched i'm falling in your game, i'm crazy about you, but i can't do anything, i repressed it to my unconscious part, and maybe it will popped up in my dreams, oh! dear you.. i wish you know about it. so touchy. i was wondering what exactly in your mind when you're see me, i felt like a kitten who fell in love with a wolf, its so hard and rough, you teach me everything, and once again its just like a losing game, how i can feel you in my soul, and can reach you in my dream, then i wake up and its all gone, leaving me with those unstoppable feeling.
Dear someone, i wish that you'll understand, how much it hurts every second breath in my life, screaming your name, then i realize that you're killing me slowly, you stab me right in my heart and leave me behind, i know i should stop thinking about it, i should stop it, but what else i can do, that i know that, deepest voice of my heart said "don't" i just don't wanna fall again in your games (i said that) because its just exhausting, but then again when you catch me once again and looked me in the eye my heart will say :
"Yes, I still love you"