I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true.
Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary
thought.
Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to
that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.
I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.
It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true.
For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost.
But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night.
And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that
almost kills its victims.
Its called unrequited love.
Its called unrequited love.
Of that I am an
expert.
Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other.
Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other.
But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of
us who fall in love alone?
We are the victims of the one sided affair.
We are the cursed of the loved ones.
We are the unloved ones, the
walking wounded.
The handicapped without the advantage of a great
parking space!
Yes, you are looking at one such individual.
And I have willingly loved that man for over four miserable years!
The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium.
These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life.
All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.
In the middle of last year, everything has changed. Suddenly changed. like change - change
What would you do when someone you love suddenly change from a bad man into a perfect and omantic man?? He was hypnotized you by his "suddenly-change-into-a-lover-behavior"
Something has change, after that incident literally.
A month almost past of course, leaving us, Me and Mr.Unpredictable like strangers and now i have to start from the beginning all over again. Or, can i said its a deja vu?? I've been in this position i've to admit it this is worst than before. Actually this is harder than before.
I was sitting on my bed and its raining outside bringing back my old memory with Nora and Fae.
Last rainy sunday i was sitting on the bench near the car park, alone under the rain at night.
Thinking about what makes heavy my heart. Thinking about him, and mostly us...
I still worry when he was out, so crying is the good thing to do.
I asked his friend just to make sure that he doesn't do stupid thing.
This is making me anxious, so i was like back and forth checking if he's already come
When Nora said to me that she's gonna going out with him and friends
Suddenly this feeling came to me, here comes the thought when i remembered we used to going out, and now? we're literally strangers.
"Lea, please don't be sad, do you wanna come and join us?" Nora was trying to persuade me.
I know even when i want to come and having fun with him, just like we used to, but going out with her, with him or with them, its just a bad decision.
So sadly, i said no.
Fae's with me and try to chill me out.
"Fae, lets just bringing back this stuff to my room"
I decided to move everything back again to my room after she left.
It is exhausting. So i need my time to think and being alone, while yeah he was out with Nora and the others.
When finally i could sleep after those stupid tears, i hear a knocked on my door.
Maybe at 2 or 3 a.m
I was sitting on my bed and its raining outside bringing back my old memory with Nora and Fae.
Last rainy sunday i was sitting on the bench near the car park, alone under the rain at night.
Thinking about what makes heavy my heart. Thinking about him, and mostly us...
I still worry when he was out, so crying is the good thing to do.
I asked his friend just to make sure that he doesn't do stupid thing.
This is making me anxious, so i was like back and forth checking if he's already come
When Nora said to me that she's gonna going out with him and friends
Suddenly this feeling came to me, here comes the thought when i remembered we used to going out, and now? we're literally strangers.
"Lea, please don't be sad, do you wanna come and join us?" Nora was trying to persuade me.
I know even when i want to come and having fun with him, just like we used to, but going out with her, with him or with them, its just a bad decision.
So sadly, i said no.
Fae's with me and try to chill me out.
"Fae, lets just bringing back this stuff to my room"
I decided to move everything back again to my room after she left.
It is exhausting. So i need my time to think and being alone, while yeah he was out with Nora and the others.
When finally i could sleep after those stupid tears, i hear a knocked on my door.
Maybe at 2 or 3 a.m
With my puffy eyes i opened the door.
Oh my god! He was there, standing and forcefully coming to my room.
Oh my god! He was there, standing and forcefully coming to my room.
I was shocked. He came to me, still came to me. But he talked to me rudely, maybe because his emotional thingie
"i only wanna do this, and then i'll left" unconsciously i hear that.
Of course i can't say no, after what i did, after what i've been done.
I couldn't possibly say no, when i say no, everything is over. He's gone, like forever.
So with everything he said to me, i said "Yes"
Well, this is not the proposing thingie, its worst than that. Way more than that.
The next morning, i talked to Nora, i mean. What did she said.
I know about all his drunk behavior, but what has Nora done to that poor guy actually??
"What? You let him come to you? what are you thinking? You supposed not to let him come to you again." Unluckily that was she said to me when she hear me talk.
"Nora, i've no option. If i didn't do a good thing, after what i did to him, he'll be gone by now"
"Lea, he still leave you, either if you did accept him or did not accept him. You should learn a lot from me. Why can't you?."
"But.... This is my fault, so i need to explain everything, yeah! i know he still didn't believe me tho. But i can't just let him go like that, because this is my fault, because i didn't do it. I just admit something stupid that i didn't make"
"Ok, let me tell you something, he told me that he's so disappointed with you, after what you did, of course he believe you, cause it came out from you. He denied his feeling, the more he said he doesn't love you anymore, the more he hiding it. i already told him everything and its the best thing i can do."
Different with Nora, Fae is more wiser i don't know if she's wiser or she doesn't wanna see me get hurt. She always told me what i wanna hear instead of what i don't wanna hear.
But sometimes she did told me the real things.
"Lea, everything will be okay, you know that if you didn't let him come last night. He's gone like forever. You know that this is your fault, you made it, So right now, you have to stay strong, take the risk and just follow his path first. Everything will be okay. He'll come to you again, i promise. Just believe me. Nora doesn't know the real thing between both of you, but i did. So i know exactly that he still love you even if it's just a little tiny percent."
Glad to hear that, of course i believe with Nora, after what we've been through, but i believe Fae's feelings more. They both Cancer, and both of them are good at feelings.
I mean maybe Nora only knows the surface of my relationship, well Fae is more far away than that. Of course Nora have a different perspective from Fae. Well, i believe both of them tho.
That's make me think. Love is a battlefield.
You're going to fight for what you love no matter how hard it is.
You still wanna fight with what's left from you and its worth fighting for if you already feel comfortable with one person.
Love is hard to find, a real love is hard to fine.
You need to experience everything like hell, so you could fine your true love. Your love of life.
A good thing will happen only if you already feel the pain, the tears, the break up, the back and forth thing. And being strong is the only option you'll have to do.
Taking the risk is a only thing you've to do. But someday it'll be back. Yeah! Someday.
"i only wanna do this, and then i'll left" unconsciously i hear that.
Of course i can't say no, after what i did, after what i've been done.
I couldn't possibly say no, when i say no, everything is over. He's gone, like forever.
So with everything he said to me, i said "Yes"
Well, this is not the proposing thingie, its worst than that. Way more than that.
The next morning, i talked to Nora, i mean. What did she said.
I know about all his drunk behavior, but what has Nora done to that poor guy actually??
"What? You let him come to you? what are you thinking? You supposed not to let him come to you again." Unluckily that was she said to me when she hear me talk.
"Nora, i've no option. If i didn't do a good thing, after what i did to him, he'll be gone by now"
"Lea, he still leave you, either if you did accept him or did not accept him. You should learn a lot from me. Why can't you?."
"But.... This is my fault, so i need to explain everything, yeah! i know he still didn't believe me tho. But i can't just let him go like that, because this is my fault, because i didn't do it. I just admit something stupid that i didn't make"
"Ok, let me tell you something, he told me that he's so disappointed with you, after what you did, of course he believe you, cause it came out from you. He denied his feeling, the more he said he doesn't love you anymore, the more he hiding it. i already told him everything and its the best thing i can do."
Different with Nora, Fae is more wiser i don't know if she's wiser or she doesn't wanna see me get hurt. She always told me what i wanna hear instead of what i don't wanna hear.
But sometimes she did told me the real things.
"Lea, everything will be okay, you know that if you didn't let him come last night. He's gone like forever. You know that this is your fault, you made it, So right now, you have to stay strong, take the risk and just follow his path first. Everything will be okay. He'll come to you again, i promise. Just believe me. Nora doesn't know the real thing between both of you, but i did. So i know exactly that he still love you even if it's just a little tiny percent."
Glad to hear that, of course i believe with Nora, after what we've been through, but i believe Fae's feelings more. They both Cancer, and both of them are good at feelings.
I mean maybe Nora only knows the surface of my relationship, well Fae is more far away than that. Of course Nora have a different perspective from Fae. Well, i believe both of them tho.
That's make me think. Love is a battlefield.
You're going to fight for what you love no matter how hard it is.
You still wanna fight with what's left from you and its worth fighting for if you already feel comfortable with one person.
Love is hard to find, a real love is hard to fine.
You need to experience everything like hell, so you could fine your true love. Your love of life.
A good thing will happen only if you already feel the pain, the tears, the break up, the back and forth thing. And being strong is the only option you'll have to do.
Taking the risk is a only thing you've to do. But someday it'll be back. Yeah! Someday.