Sun's shine so bright, hearing birds chirping, cars horn.
But something still missing.
I slowly open my puffy eyes
Remembered that last night there are some stuff that makes me heavy hearted
I was in pain.
How could i cried like that last night?
Back and forth only by seeing and hearing something that is hurting me a lot.
Here comes the thought about feeling so insecure, so weak and so fragile from a little girl.
Every time they asked me to stay strong or to be strong, i do can.
But at some point, i always reach this part of me, that i can't even understand.
Everytime i saw both of them, here comes the ugly thought,
Not about hating them, not about revenge nor angry,
But it's about fragile as a human being.
They told me to have faith in my self no matter what, they told me to believe that something good will happen if i do believe.
I mean i do believe, but still sometimes i reach my moment where i feel like i'm giving up.
I'm tired and i'm not good enough for him, and here comes the stupid thought that she deserve him better than me, because she's prettier, smarter.
The point is she's much better than me.
So i always become a victim, i always ended up crying with my lights off while turning on sad song from my playlist.
I always be the one who talked to my self every night or every time i felt so fragile.
Talking about being strong and patient are your only option right now.
Just let it be.
I never asked people to feel sorry about me, it's just me and what i feel..
Deep down in my heart i know this is just a part of never finish broken hearted.
And right now i can only imagine my self standing in the middle of nowhere while screaming
"i lost him"
That feeling when you want to crying out loud but at the same time it hurts so you just sit there, and then get up again and crying in silence. You already in pain, miserable four years, in fact almost five years. Everything so messed up. But you still want him back. Cause this secure feeling that you got from him wouldn't disappear. And if you want to move, you start comparing those people with him, and you wouldn't get the same feeling like when you're with him.
It's like both of your mental synchronization just click, when you're with him.
And you can be who you are, you feel safe when you're with him.
This time you're the one who made mistake, and your mind start to make this stupid conclusion saying things like he doesn't deserve you or you didn't deserve him.
Whereas you already made an effort to promise this time you'll try harder than before, you promise that this time you still want to fight for him.
But it's all gone, replaceable by this stupid feeling when you saw both of them.
Oh dear God
Hug me please, and saying things will be fine.
