They can't blossom without Sunshine,
its the same thing with human, who can't live without love...
I was just drowning in my own though in this end of July 2018,
(I was just continuing my Blog, supposed to be written in December last year, which that day i stopped)
Things happened a lot, i got job, been there almost a year,
It was fun & challenging, life asked me to get out from this dream, and live a reality
So much that i can learn in my work life.
But this ain't gonna be the topic tonight.
The feeling of memory that happened to me, which i just want those good part
Actually his face, smile, the way he treated me, stuck in my head, and going round and round, and it can't stop
Like i want it back...
Started around 2 months ago,
it was my usual night with Mr. Always right
Drinking, having fun, having lots of fun, since we have changing a lot
And started that night, on Monday or Tuesday night,
when his friend came, and they picked me up in my place.
when his action speak louder than his words, kinda miss that now...
we supposed to have fun that night, we did actually, but when they slept over in my place,
then he changed the topic into something that i didn't like, His possessive attitude towards me, and his suddenly make story, like it was something that i did, well i don't, get my point?
That night turn into disaster, we had fight, for something that i didn't do,
like it was just his fear, and the stupid thing, another stupid moves that i did
makes him stay away from me...
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Love is a mysterious thing that i can't control,
I can't undo someone in my life, i can't unlove someone in my life,
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then why am i here? what am i doing here?
fighting to get you back, while you shush me and cast me out
After 2 months, he came.
few days ago, called me, talked to me like nothing happened.
asked me to come, and here we go, doing another stupid moves.
with me the one who always give in...
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| AWKWARD |
Back on last Wednesday,
around 3am in the morning, phone was ringing,
drowning in desperation, i saw his name on my phone screen
half sleepy i was talked, no sound, then it goes off.
few minutes later, there he goes, calling and when i picked up
heard a voice, soft voice that i actually 100% recognize, him, its him
How come after 2 months, ignoring me text, he can talk
oh, definitely can talk. prep talked that sounds awkward
and telling me that he's coming here.
Then Wednesday night, when i decided to share it with my sissy,
he texted and called again, decided to stop at his / our favourite place to drink.
i saw his car, parked nicely there, then i stopped my car, looking for him and there he is.
Just, there he is,
Standing, walking and asked me to come out, cause he needs to talk.
spending like 20 mins talking, he asked me to come with him, because he can't stay longer here
judging from his face, he is depress, eyes can't lie, i wonder what exactly he thinks
2 months, where have you been?
what exactly are you doing?
but he still the same, giving his ignorant side,
on Thursday, i prepare to see him,
going home earlier from office, coming to my sissy place
getting ready, then come to our meeting point
a lil bit awkward when i arrive, seeing him, like only both of us.
i was thinking, he is showing his rigid side, but he needs me also
a combination of dignity
Full with silence, i started to ask some questions
especially about 2 months, 2 months full with silence
then came like nothing happened. what was that
Then he goes, came out from his mouth,
we can't be together like we used to, i can't write everything in here,
since it is confidential things. But some statement actually hurting me, lots of.
I can't believe he said that after we coloured, hell nah, and then we coloured again.
then he said that, he can't stay longer in here, i don't know what happen, he can't explain to me why.
Why am i the only one
having a complicated Relationship
while all of my friends are married, having kids, having a lovey-dovey relationship
while me, facing a unexplained relationship?
And here i am, sitting in my room,
thinking between taking action for what he said, and fighting more?
Why are you blaming me,
while you did your own mistake also??
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| But, he did, darling! |
for million, billion times, i have to fight this feeling, over and over again
and lets see, how strong i will be,
